I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
