I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just pee around me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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