her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My friends, they love my intelligence
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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