you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
