I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
