i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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