I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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