Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
