Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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