Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
