Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
