I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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