So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
