I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
