yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
