I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
