Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i permit you to call me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
