He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
