i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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