This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
