Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
