I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
