good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
