Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
