probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
