Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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