The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
