Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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