make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
