Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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