You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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