Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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