We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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