You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
