So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
