Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
