Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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