Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
