Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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