I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
