my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
