I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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