I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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