the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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