I'm eating all of the evidence.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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