I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
