Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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