I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
