hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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