She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
