Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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