hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
