Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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