He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
