That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
